It’s been a minute since I last sat down to do some blogging ˙ᵕ˙ But I have been reflecting a lot, and meditating on the nature of guilt lately! And I want to share it with you. I’m a perfectionist, and I struggle with guilt, way more than I should. I cringe when I think about my past mistakes. Ughhh why did I say that? Why did I act that way? I regret the times I took people for granted, or poured too much of myself into relationships, or tried so hard to be perfect. I worry about the moments I might’ve let my bad moods or insecurities influence my actions. But thankfully, nothing you and I could ever do would ruin God’s plan. No weakness is powerful enough to derail the will of the Creator of the Universe.
So perhaps I don’t need to explain myself to anyone but my Maker. I can kneel and pray, “Lord, I am sorry. For what I have ever done to others in my life, and for what I have failed to do. For the ways I loved imperfectly. For the times I let my fear, my pride, and my wounds lead the way instead of You.” And then God forgives me, because I finally allow Him to.
God loves freeing us from guilt. He doesn’t remind us of our faults daily. We do that to ourselves. But He lets them go.
For so long, I thought holiness meant being admired and known for goodness and perfect prayerfullness and strength. But a truly holy person does not showcase their virtue or accomplishments. The holiest people are the ones who say, “Lord, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
I was always afraid of my sins and how they might make me look. I thought if people knew all the ways I had failed in my life, they would love me less. But now I talk about my sins, and let them teach me. I examine my soul daily to become something better. Because sin that’s hidden rots the soul. But sin that is confessed transforms it.
I put all my confidence in God’s mercy. And that changes everything. I should no longer want to impress my circle of loved ones. I want to tell them more about my weaknesses and ways I have fallen, and the ways God has lifted me back up. Healing others means being real. And the greatest part about that is people are drawn to that honesty. They feel safe and can relax because they realize that they, too, are allowed to be human.
Life is about being ready. I want to be the kind of person who can carry the weight of love without breaking. And who can carry joy without dropping it, and love without exhausting herself. There’s no point in trying to prove my worth anymore. I want you and I to become a vessel strong enough to hold all the goodness God wants to pour into our lives. ︎That is holiness︎ ♡︎
